Twin Tested Life

Nobody told me about postpartum rage. Postpartum depression and anxiety? I had heard about those. I thought I was ready for the emotional ups and downs. But this sudden, fiery anger that comes out of nowhere took me by surprise. I have postpartum rage like crazy, and it feels like nobody talks about it.

Being cooped up in the house with infants (two for that matter) and staring at the same walls every day is driving me mad. Every little thing sets me off. The same repetitive actions like changing diapers, the squirming that only gets worse as they get older, the endless feedings, and even the moments when my breast milk gets wasted after all the effort I put in. It all piles up. My supply has been up and down, and the stress of that alone could send me into a spiral. All of these things, stacked on top of one another, are fuel for the fire.

Lately, I have been trying to put words to it. It is not just anger; it is a deep hormonal wave that hits without warning. I can feel calm one moment and completely overwhelmed the next. It is not who I am, but it is what my body is working through.

I do not think my husband fully understands that it is hormonal. Sometimes he takes things personally, and I can see how confusing that must be for him. I try to talk with him about it, to tell him that sometimes I need him to ground me instead of edging me into an argument. I have encouraged him to read about women in postpartum, because I truly believe understanding it together is the only way to move through it.

One thing I have noticed is how much my environment affects my mood. When the house feels cluttered or chaotic, my mind feels the same way. I have been trying to give myself small wins, things that do not require perfect timing or a full burst of energy. The Finch app has helped with that. I use it for the little things, like breathing exercises or even just getting out of bed. Todoist is where I keep the bigger projects, but Finch is where I remind myself that even small steps count.

My husband is really busy right now, and I know he is doing his best. I think if the house were a little cleaner, my mind would feel quieter. I am learning that sometimes peace starts with the smallest actions, one deep breath, one tidy corner, one honest conversation at a time.

Thanks for reading. I share daily reflections on twin life, growth, and the quiet beauty of motherhood. Subscribe below to keep following the journey.