Twin Tested Life

Tell us about your first day at something — school, work, as a parent, etc.

My first day as a parent was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

The operating room felt rushed from the start. I was the thirteenth C section that night, and the staff was juggling me alongside another woman waiting for an OR. Everything felt urgent and fast. We had waited until birth to find out the genders, so the moment I heard the first cry is burned into my memory. Just before that cry, I was told he was a boy. Less than a minute later, baby B cried too. Two boys. The doctor announced their genders as they were delivered, and my husband and I looked at the babies first, then at each other, both crying. The reality of two boys hit immediately. We had hoped for one girl, and I might have jokingly said “oh s**t” when they announced the second boy, but we were overwhelmed with love.

My first thoughts as a mom of two weren’t confidence or instinct. They were uncertainty and fear. Baby B was taken to the NICU for a congenital heart defect, and we didn’t know if surgery would be immediate or later. I had never taken care of one baby before, let alone two, and one of them was already fighting battles I couldn’t fix.

As baby B was taken to the NICU, the nurses asked my husband if he wanted to go with them. He stayed with me first. I was still open on the table, anxious and shaking, trying not to panic. This was my first surgery, and knowing he stayed until I was okay meant everything to me. Once he knew baby A and I were safe, he went to meet and care for baby B.

Because of a double dose of epidural, I was extremely numb and couldn’t hold my babies for hours. Baby A was placed on my chest with support, but not being able to truly hold either of them is still one of the hardest parts of my birth story. After recovery, they wheeled my hospital bed to the NICU so I could meet baby B. I was still so sick from the epidural that I ended up vomiting in his NICU room, which felt embarrassing and overwhelming, but at that point, nothing felt normal.

I went into labor eight hours before my scheduled C section, and we gave birth at 1:42 a.m. After very little rest, we spent the day bouncing between the nursery and the NICU. When we were eventually discharged and told we could go home with baby A, I didn’t want to leave. Becoming a parent on day one meant learning that joy and grief can exist in the same breath, and sometimes motherhood begins with learning how to hold both.

Thanks for reading. I share daily reflections on twin life, growth, and the quiet beauty of motherhood. Subscribe below to keep following the journey.